What I Wish People Would Have Told Me About God.

Some things in life we never learn except by experience. I have felt this more truly in trying to walk with God recently than ever in my life. When you get married, everyone gives you advice. Even when you hear it however, you are still deaf to it because it is not pertinent to you. No one really thinks their husband will leave his dirty underwear on the floor, or snore at night. No woman really sees herself as a nag or controlling. Oh to be wise and really hear! I lie awake tonight just thinking about all the stuff I am learning and how I wish someone would have told me this stuff! For instance, it would have been super helpful if someone had sat me down, looked me square in the eyes and said, "Get to know God for who He is, enjoy Him, invite Him to events, have tea with Him, go to Barnes and Nobles, just you and Him." Now I realize that some of these things have been mentioned to me, but I am slow to hear and even slower to do. I wish someone would have told me to let go of my expectations of God. Disappointment and heartbreak will soon follow if I have God in my nice little box. The joy of doing this frees me to expect things I never thought possible from God. I wish someone would have told me that you don't always "feel" close to God, but that it doesn't mean it is true. I wish someone would have told me that I don't have to have everything figured out with my own personal spiritual growth plan.
It makes me smile now to think, right now, God is sitting me down looking me square in the face and saying all this to me! So I pass it on because maybe this is where someone else it too. He says, "Wait on Me! Really get still and get to know Me. Don't be afraid of the silence. It is to those who take the time to seek ME, who know me. "

Waiting
I feel foolish and nervous
Like I am on a first date-
But I'll stand here waiting on You!

I am anxious to hear the words from your lips
you love me and it's still the same-
Everything and nothing has changed!
So I'll stand here waiting on You!

The time I have wasted recoiling in fear
Oh please can you give back the desolate years!
So I stand here waiting on You!

Fill my cup its empty and dry
Filled to the brim with nice little lies
I need you God, the true living God!
So I stand here waiting on You!

Wanting to run, when just learning to walk with you
Hold my hand, Jesus-
Here I stand-
Waiting on You!

Mother's Day

Today we celebrate motherhood. However, I have been especially blessed since Mother's Day, for me, began this past Friday! I prefer to think of it has Happy Mother's Weekend! First, accompanied by my husband and two children, I went to tea at the Kimmel House. That was Friday. Today, I slept until noon then went out for dinner at Papa Vino's where I ended my meal with the most wonderfully sumptuous caramel pecan cheesecake (can you tell I have been dieting)! Then my husband took me to the shop of my choice for browsing! Finally, after many months of languishing over the state of our bedding, we purchased brand new bedding right down to a new bedskirt! I have been truly pampered!

You might notice some changes to my blog. I have added a space for recipes and would like to keep this revolving with a new recipe every couple of days! I welcome any of your tried and true favorites or something totally new! Share it with us!

Shadows of Heaven

"Is it a girl or a boy?" I will never forget anxiously asking the doctor. His response was quick, "It's a girl...wait, let me check....it's a girl!" Relief. Exhaustion. Exuberance. All gave birth to tears as I held my own sweet Sophie Lou. Sophie's birth is memorable on multiple levels, Ross being in Iraq, to mention one. Perhaps because of his absence, it heighten my awareness of Sophie being my own little one and as I hugged her close, it was like hugging a part of Ross. I think that must be how God feels about us when we are born again into His family. He hold us close, not only because He deeply loves us as His own, but because it is also like holding His very own Son!
You see, so many things in life are meant to shadow the reality of heaven. For many, the phrase "born again" conjurers up mental images of southern baptist tents revivals and right-wing fundamentalism. Today though, I looked at the words "born again" in all its literalism, with connotations set aside, and remembered this: "All honor to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, for it is by His boundless mercy that God has given us the privilege of being born again" (1 Peter 1:3). Wow! We have been born into the family of God!!! It doesn't get any better than that! No matter what our earthly families have been like, we are all invited to be apart of God's family through trusting His Son, Jesus to save us!
Having said this, new babies always strike me with the reality of three things. First, they are totally dependent. Second, they are constantly hungry and third, everything in the world is totally new to them! Do I really need to remind any mom or dad how needy babies are? They aren't even able to hold up their heads alone. What a great picture this is of exactly what God wants from us! Independence is what we thrive on as Americans. Let's be honest we all lean on something to hold us up and make us feel secure, whether it's a relationship, food, money, success, family or ourselves. However, God calls us to a radical dependence upon Himself for everything in this life!
As for hungry, the first six weeks is the worst. Waking up every 2-3 hours to feed the new little baby! That sweet little bundle will scream bloody murder until he gets the one thing he wants and absolutely needs for his survival...MILK! In the same way, as believers, we have to go to God and to His Word! It is absolutely essential for our growth as well! Peter says, "Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in you salvation" (1 Peter 2:3). I wonder what we are feeding ourselves in the attempt to feel full but are never satisfied. We are to CRAVE the fellowship of Christ and His Word and go to Him to fill us up!
Lastly, there is the aspect of newness. It has been enlivening to watch Sophie discover with glee how great grass feels on her bare feet, how bright the sun really is, she even smiles and laughs when the wind whips around her face! Oh how I want to experience this new life in Christ with that same freshness and enthusiasm. What a vivid picture God has given us through babies of exactly what He desires in His own kids.
Father strengthen us this day to seek YOU for who you are and not only what you give. We desperately need you! Tear down anything and everything in our lives we trust in that is not YOU and show us how to walk in dependence upon You. Make us hungry to be with You! Give us a freshness as we seek to walk with you. Thank you for making us born again into your family. We love you Father. Amen.

Stories for My Mother

As a child I wrote stories mainly for my mother. As a teenage girl I wrote poems in my journal just in case future generations discovered our lost civilization. My purpose was to give them an inside glimpse into life as I knew it; which I supposed was the only way to view it. In college and with the coming of age, I wrote from the drama of my soul with all its intensity. It humors me now to reflect on both what I wrote and why I wrote. Once again I find myself writing. Now I write as a woman, a wife, a mother, a daughter. I invite you to read along with me through this journey from being a stay at home mom wiping noses and picking up toys to being a woman immersed in thought and pondering exactly where I have come from.

A Better Eden

So very much like Adam, the knowledge we possess.

So very much like Eve, while seeing true life-

we transgress.

Deceived into believing we know what's right and good,

Deciphering within ourselves to choose the way we should.

Striving for some power to order out our lives-

to happiness,

to merriment,

turned mad and deafening cries!

The cries of father Adam, the cries of Abel's blood,

The cries of discontentment

of emptiness

of shoulds.

For what we should have never seen, our blackened hearts now know.

Being blinded by the darkness let us tremble and bow low...

Bow low to kiss the Savior,

Lower still, lest we mistake,

A bag of silver shekels for the worth of His name's sake!

The noblest of all longings, the sincerest of regrets

How could I try undoing all this sin with bloodstained lips?

Much was lost in the beginning, in a garden with a tree

Yet there remains a shattered image of the man that I should be.

Ironic astonishment-

Jesus in a garden...

then hung upon a tree...

God hung upon a tree.

The resolution clearly focused now, the image is restored

and what was death is covered in His gracious love outpoured.

Now we have hope of a better Eden, from the tree of life we'll eat

Where all desires unify, satisfied at Jesus' feat!